Finally
I was going home! After having worked tirelessly for days at end away from
home, to be at the airport to catch my flight home seemed like the happiest
moment in my life. I had missed my family and was eager to get back as soon as possible.
But
destiny had other plans for me. As I went to the check-in counter, I was
informed that my flight had been delayed. Dismayed, I strolled across to the
nearby lounge, and grumpily sat on one of the couches there. As I was looking
around sullenly at the other passengers who had suffered the same fate as mine,
I caught a glimpse of a pretty face. On second glance, I realized that we had
gone to the same college years ago and she had been very close to a classmate
of mine (though I failed to recollect her name). With nothing better to do, I
walked over to where she was seated and started a conversation with “Hi”.
As
we got into talking, she revealed that, like me, she was returning home to
Kolkata after a business trip and was irritated that the flight had got
delayed. One thing led to another and soon we found ourselves discussing about
marriage. She asked me “have you got married?
Or are you still searching for the right person?” I answered with a smile, “I found
the right person”. Presuming that she was still with my classmate, I asked her
“Have you settled with my friend?” She gave a weak smile and answered negative.
How silly of me to think that she would still be with him; after all, it was
only college romance! When I asked her again about her marriage status, she
seemed to be saddened for a moment, but it passed.
She
revealed that she was a divorcee. With a few hours to idle away at the airport,
she told me her story.
As I
have mentioned earlier, she was a pretty looker, and this got her a lot of
attention from the boys. Her string of affairs started in High School where she
had an affair with her classmate. But the affair did not bloom the way,
perhaps, she had hoped for as they both took different paths to follow for
their careers. Thankfully, the heartbreak also wasn’t that bad, and she had got
over it in a short span of time.
The
next affair happened while she was in college. This where my classmate comes
into the story – he was a handsome hunk and the two were very close to each
other throughout college. But it ended as soon as college ended, and she has no
qualms about it. According to her, college affairs were just about being good
friends, partying and enjoyment, getting drunk, the thrill of losing one’s
virginity and so on. For me, I had
always thought that the affair would culminate into marriage – it looked pretty
serious. But who am I to judge?
After
college, she opted for higher studies and went abroad to pursue the same. She
met up with a foreign guy there and moved in with him; she had what we call a
‘live-in’ relationship. Her justification was simple – she kind of liked the
guy, and live-in relation was a way of saving money there. That relation ended
as soon as she got on the plane to India.
Back
in India, she took up a job and was soon having an affair with her dashing
young boss. Since both of them lived on their own, they decided to move in to a
single apartment. That relation continued for 2-3 years; then they noticed huge
differences between them and wisely called off the relation without any hard
feelings.
By
now she had reached the ripe age of getting married, and her parents married
her off to a rich and well-settled guy. She was ecstatic and excited as she was
now about to start a new venture in her life. She knew that she would be
spending the rest of her life with this one man, and as a token of love she
wanted to tell him everything about her past relationships so that she has
nothing to hide from him. That night, after all the ceremonies were over, she
sat with him and told him everything. She had thought that he would appreciate
her honesty and accept her and be happy. But the result was something that she
had never expected in her wildest dreams. As soon as he heard everything, he
decided to part with her. So the next morning, instead of going for their
honeymoon, she returned to her parents’ home and her husband filed for divorce.
So
now she was divorced and had moved on with her life. Later she came to know
that her husband (ex) had also had a string of affairs before he got married,
her only fault was that she was honest enough to let him know about her affairs
without thinking of the consequences.
I
was deeply saddened by the way she was held responsible for being true and
honest. I cannot judge the way she has led her life, and the number of affairs
that she has had; but despite all that it seems unfair to me that she was
punished in the way that she was, and that too by a person who himself had had
numerous affairs but was not courageous enough to admit it.
Days
have passed since my chat with that pretty girl (I still don’t know her name);
and as I think back the question that comes to my head is that are we no better
than the age of the Mahabharata? In the epic, Draupadi was married to Arjuna
but was later shared by all the five brothers. If Arjuna was willing to share
his wife with his brothers, then why do the men of today have so much problem
accepting a woman who has been previously touched by someone else? And its not
even that she is being shared by everyone at the same time – it is her past
which is gone and will never come back. Why couldn’t the husband of that girl
just accept her and start life anew? Why did he have to destroy her life
because of her past? Was it because her other
boyfriends were not her husband’s brothers? Or is it that today’s Arjuna is
unable to share his wife with others?
On
the other hand we see that even though the husband too had past affairs, neither
did he mention them nor did he accept his wife having so. If having past
affairs is a crime, isn’t it equally sinful for both of them? I guess no.
Polygamy (one husband with many wives) still exists in today’s society, while
polyandry (one wife many husbands) is almost non-existent.
The
age of Mahabharata seems to be better in this regard. We know of Satyabati
(step mother of Viswa), Kunti, Draupadi and many others who had conjugal
relationships and physical intimacies with more than one man, and were accepted
by their partners. All the Pandavas accepted the polyandry of Draupadi. Then why
can’t we accept it today? I am not advocating that women should have more than
one husband at the same time; but what I am trying to say is that do not punish them for having affairs in the
past – accept them as they accept you in spite of the fact that you may have
had other women in your life before her.
Treat you woman well; but, most importantly, treat her as an equal.
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